The Art of Grocery Shopping

Most things I do, I like to do it and get it done, with FAST being the operative word. My mind works in an organized logical manner (I’m not going to apologize – but I’m naturally ORGANIZED!). I can see a big mess and before you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! I’ve started, and can work logically and FAST to get it cleaned up. Same goes for the grocery store. With cart in hand I’m OFF – watch out people who have to stand in the middle of the isle with their cart across both LANES not committing to the right or left side (don’t they know that the rules of the road apply to the isles of the grocery store TOO! – you “drive” your cart always on the right side of the isle – we're not in Britain!). I guess to me, grocery shopping is like the Indy 500 where for some people, it is a walk in the park.

So what do I do when I encounter a totally clueless-don’t-care-about-oncoming-traffic-because-what-I’m-doing-is-all-about-ME-cross-lane-isle-hogger? I stand there patiently (eyes rolled up in the back of my head) and WAIT – I don’t say “Excuse me, can you please move your cart”? I wait, because I want to see just how long it takes a NARSISSTIC shopper to realize someone has been standing there while they calculate the price difference between a jar of creamy Jiff’s peanut butter at $3.29 per 16 oz jar to a jar of creamy Peter Pan’s peanut butter at $3.59 per 12 oz jar. Oh the pennies they waste and brain cells they burn up – I can actually see the glazed look in their eyes as they are holding both jars.

I zip up and down the isles as if I were on speed skates – what’s this? an older person stalled out in the isle – what are they doing? I would have to guess by this time in their lives – they’ve seen everything there is to see on the grocery shelves 100 times over and know exactly where everything is! Patience, patience, someday I'm going to be old too! But not like this!

Did I forget to mention I'm a picky eater and therefore could eat the same food day in and day out for years on end and not complain? I guess the difference between me and the "stand in the way" person trying to make up their mind "let's see, regular rice or pilaf, if I have regular rice blah blah blah but if I have pilaf blah blah blah" (oh the endless conversations they must be having in their head at the grocery store), is that I hate grocery shopping (does anyone like it?) and I'm "just not that into food". I eat because I have to, not because I like it (ha ha ha).